vandal_q on Xanga

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

My Dead Star

Before you read any of this, you might want to listen to mellow music or any alternative song; just to add mood to the story.

They say, a lot of things change the moment you enter high school. Cliché as it may seem but it's true (because a cliché is never a cliché without its own conviction). By that change, I assumed it was physically, as most of us get into puberty stage during high school, or socially, as some of our grade school classmates may go to a different high school and we'll be having new set of classmates or might have a new clique of friends. But fall in love? So not in my vocab. Did you just talk a foreign language? So not happening.

It all started sometime in October in my first year in high school. It was one of my typical afternoons— chatting with my friends after cleaning our assigned area. Except that someone, someone whose visage was familiar, someone whom i knew for quite long, approached me the moment i got out from the campus and asked me if he can accompany me home.

He was my classmate since fourth grade who was my classmate in high school too. I heard he was good in playing the guitar but who cares? I don't. He was one of those boys who'd sit around in the corner and doodle at the back pages of his notebook instead of socializing with the girls in campus. He's the type of guy who sticked with his circle of friends since elementary. He was humble; not like my other boy classmates who were just big mouths ranting about what level they were in MythWar. He dresses so neatly that a little stain on his shirt could ruin his entire day. He always had a handkerchief he carried around to wipe his face whenever he got or felt sweaty. He moved so careful and surely you would think he's gay. We didn't talk a lot during grade school. I remembered it was only during group works or if he had query regarding our dance practice. We used to dance together during school programs but not as partners. Whenever we talk, it surely was for academic purposes.

Then here he was asking me if he could escort me home. At the back of my mind, i was thinking What's to accompany when my house is just 50 meters away? Surely he wasn't about to ask about school stuff because the second quarter exam just finished and we did not have assignments for the next day. Before I got crazy figuring out his purpose to me, I accepted his offer. He smiled at me and I smiled back too not knowing why was I doing that in the first place. Was it his own version of Thank you?

Anyways, he just literally walked me home— except that he asked for my phone number and bid me goodbye when we were nearing my house. After that awkward smile, that was all that happened. Since I gave him my digits, he kept on texting me already. He'd text me and asked if I already had my dinner— or my breakfast or lunch. He'd text me every morning and greet me good night before I sleep. Little did I know, he was courting me already. How was I to know then? I was just 13 years old. The next thing I knew, we were an item in school then we're already a couple. We were always together during recess time. He'd walk me home every lunch time and after school in the afternoon. This happened daily that it was already our routine. Three weeks and it was then that I realized that his eyes were tantalizing and his smile was to die for. He had a nice sense of humor, I never expected he could crack a joke like that. He became the silent guy to the very reason I go to school everyday and wish the day would not end so that we could spend more time together.

More weeks passed. I noticed he went cool to me. No more frequent texts of him. We were feeling uneasy with each other. So we both called it off. Done. That quick.

I guess it should be that way. We were just kids back then .We didn't know what we were doing. It was just a spur of the moment thing.

November to December, December to March. The next morning I woke up, it was already graduation day. Thirty-seven months after our break-up, it was our graduation ball. I just saw myself standing next to him, holding his hands and we were at the dance floor. I remembered feeling so thrilled about us as partners for a reason I wasn't certain of. We never danced together— not even during Juniors and Seniors Prom. And now here he were. He reached for my hand and we met each other's gaze. Then i thought i saw a flash flickered in his eyes. Then I realized that that could not be what i think it was because both of us were committed that time.

Now, i can just go to his wall and look at his pictures and see only the mere face of him— still adorable but not that adorable. I can talk to him without the uneasiness or that giddy feeling or those somethings fluttering in my stomach. Whenever I'm reminded by that teenage love affair I had, I can't help but smile of how I was victimized by his thing they call "puppy love".

Tuesday, 02 November 2010

Amor Prohibido

    How can it not be when he is a boy and I'm a girl? When I am a female and he is male?

    Well, here's the thing. His sex is no doubt. And yes, he has that “thingy” dangling below his belt in between his thighs. Thank God there’s still something about him that I’m certain of. Basically, sex refers to the anatomy of the human being (for him, his thingy dangling down there) while gender is classified as feminine, masculine and neuter.

    I want him to be straight.

    He always has this very lively aura. It’s as if he drinks three capsules (if not a bottle) of Enervon every day. He is not that fine-looking as what other typical girls like me (if you consider me typical) dreams of. But his magnanimous charisma and immeasurable IQseparates him from others who are just another handsome face. When he talks, everyone listens.

    During our Physical Education class, he always produces buckets of sweat. I always think he is hot at that very state. I wish I will be the one wiping all his perspiration— from his forehead to his temples, from his cute nose to the side of his luscious lips and finally, to his neck. Sometimes, I wish I wasthe face towel he was using so that I can dry all his sweat at the same time, I can feel and touch the contours of his face, his tender neck and the flesh of his nape.

    After every performance or work-out in PE, when Sir Pasilan would gather us in front of him to show us our grades, I would always intend to sit behind him. In that scheme, I could watch his wet hair dripping of sweat. I could justimagine how hot he is at that very moment. Rather than the foul sweat of most Freshmen teens or men, or whatever you call them, in PE uniforms in college; his smell is addictive, sweet, tangy, just like raspberries.be missing all his crazy antics and the punch lines he is famous of; though we will be seeing each other next semester.

    I was shivering because of the cold temperature in the AVR added by the wall-mounted electric fan directed at me. As the the History 100 class was nearing to its end, he sat beside me again after he did some business with Ma’am Cañones which I assumed to be a “socially insecure people seeking instant promotion” thing. Then out of the blue, he reached for my hand and let me hold his arms— a total shutdown of my system. My world was suddenly in slow motion mode. The ecstasy I felt at that instant reached the height of Mt. Olympus. If you had experienced eating three hot fudge sundaesafter a grueling final performance in PE, I bet you know how I felt. Damn! He was hot!

    His voice woke me from the trance I was in just seconds ago. “Init ko noh?”, he asked. And then I was in a trance again. I dreamt of telling him, “Absolutely, you’re hot as hell.” But, literally, he WAS hot. I bet he’s about to get sick. If only I could tell him, “hey! I can be your nurse tonight. Though I am not trained as one, I can take good care of you. I am also used to graveyard shift as I am used to burn my midnight candle during examination week so I can stay up until wee hours, just for you”, to him.

    Then he led my hands to his neck. My shivering was lessened when I felt his warmth. His neck was also hot— not the normal temperature. I was benefiting while he was in misery. Bad. He is really going to get sick tonight. Ugh!

    All of a sudden, his phone rang. Guesswhat? His ringing tone is the Spongebob Squarepants’ soundtrack. Wooh! Talk about compatibility… now I’m getting more hooked to him.

    As Ma’am CC was giving us her “final words”, as it would be, as I said earlier, our last class with her, I cannot barely focus nor comprehend much of what she was babbling all about. The thought of him and his TEMPERATURE kept interfering in my concentration. I want to touch him again; touch his face until all his features will keep lingering in me. And those lips, I want to kiss.

    Or why not ask him to stay after class and when everybody was gone, kiss him and then walk away. What a dramatic exit would that be right? And we won’t have to deal with it immediately ‘cause we won’t be seeing again for a long time since it’s semestral break already. Genius right? I know. It’s just that, he’s gay! And he’s GAY, gay.

Saturday, 05 December 2009

Talk About Change

    When he came, my life started to revolve around this six-letter word we call CHANGE.
    We constantly talk about random things. From flowers to corrupt politicians. Our conversation were so fun and informative that unconsciously, it broadens my mind and me more open-minded to the things surrounding me. he even introduced me to some ideas like pairing V-cut with Hunt's Pork and Beans. I tried it and it was ....hmmm....delectable.
    Sometimes, I make issues about him and make it to the point that we will argue. I will act so dramatic and make him fell so bad. But I really can't just win over him because good always reign over bad. He just plays it so cool and calm that he say sorry though it's not his fault. I felt so not deserving to him and guilty, and one more thing, time consuming. I already stopped doing that now. His manipulating act of goodness changed me from naughty to a nice girl(not to brag).
    He also sees to it that i am perfectly fine every hour, every minute, every second, and every millisecond of the day. That I take care of myself well, avoiding of getting sick. He even makes me go to sleep when I bury myself studying, reminding me that it's already 2am.
    You see. He was just a piece of boring dork. I didn't know our relationship would work. the change was all the worth.
accepting me

i never thought that accepting my fault would cause me too much pain. . . ant the precious price would be our friendship. i admitted a mistake and was too coward to admit it. i was being unfaithful to m friends especially to Regine.
now after all things said and done, i felt relief as we talk and take the stuff to the recycle bin. after all, admitting my own mistake was never that too harsh. instead. it bonds us more tight and it let me think, we could surpass another calamity in our friendship.
i love Viruzzz. . .